I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
