you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
