Just fell off a train. Bad.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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