i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
