I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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