I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
