whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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