I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
