So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
