Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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