I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
