so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
