You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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