So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
