Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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