Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
