I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
