I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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