Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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