this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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