Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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