1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
