I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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