dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
