it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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