you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
