I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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