i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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