I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
