I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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