True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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