I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
