gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dick very happy bro
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
