Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
