I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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