My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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