So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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