I cannot find my penis.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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