The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
