so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
