I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
