He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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