I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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