My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
