Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
