In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
