he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
