I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
