My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
