I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
