I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
im on a boat
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