based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
