You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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