woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
