so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
