Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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