Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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