Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
