I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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